Films: Monster A Go-Go (1965)

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Summary: ...UUUUUUU...okay, so anywayWHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY?! How-when-this-okay. This is it. The pinnacle of cinematic failure. A film so full of itself in spite of its ineptitude. An outright robbery of your time and energy. And yet, we return to it to discuss Frank Douglas...if he was even there.

History: Frank Douglas was an astronaut coming back to Earth. But what's this? He’s not in the pod, just a bunch of burn marks are in there. Even weirder, a tall humanoid monster looking like him is afoot. What could possibly happen? Not much, as it turns out.

Notable Kills: NOTHING special.

Final Fate: As if God decided man be unworthy, the film gives up. Monster Frank inexplicably disappears upon being chased by authorities, and the narrator reveals that Frank landed safely elsewhere with no memory of the incident, and that the idiotic twist was simply willed by the cosmos. 1965 marks the year every filmgoer thought about setting the theater on fire for showing this.

Powers/Abilities: None.

Weakness: Horrible Twilight Zone-coattail-riding plot twists.

Scariness Factor: 1-Frank looks like the man in Grant Wood's American Gothic if he had an eternal acne problem. He's almost as ugly as the hearts of the men who allowed this film to exist.

Trivia: -The making of this film is a joke. Director Bill Rebane went over-budget with the film, which served little purpose other than being double-feature fodder, to the point of abandoning the project, leaving uncredited replacement director Herschell Gordon-Lewis to pick up the pieces. Unable to get the full cast back and having to improvise sound effects, Lewis still found it in his withered resolve to release the broken dumpster-fire of a film to the public. The rest is history.

-You may sometimes feel like the world wants to see you down and out. But always remember that you were in no way involved with "Monster a Go-Go". By not being associated with this film, you still have a clean slate, and by extension, the chance to start again and push through the strife. You are not a part of this film's legacy, and you are all the stronger for it.